Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
