When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
