Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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