just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
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