You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
