If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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