I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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