that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
