hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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