Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
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