We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize