Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
