Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
