There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
