dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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