Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
