From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
you would pick up someone in the library
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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