I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Everyone says I win the strip club
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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