i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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