She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
