The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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