3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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