that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
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