so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
