the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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