Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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