I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
