You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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