I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
