i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
