This girl is more easily done than said...
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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