I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
