dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
