not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
