I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
