do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
