I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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