But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
