I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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