sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
