She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
