to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
The ass gains better be worth it
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