Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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