Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
