I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Boobs speak an international language.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
