In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
