I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
