Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
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