This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
This is my life. Enjoy the view
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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