I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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